Limericks about Famous People

Concerning Steve Irwin's close encounters with Antarctic wildlife:

The Croc-Jock keeps telling tall tales
'cause a ban would be bad for his sales.
My snooping reveals
what he's called by the seals:
Starf Arfwin or Dances With Whales.

Concerning Saddam Hussein's handgun in George W. Bush's trophy room:

In a trophy room interns should dread
George W gleefully said,
"This proves that I've won
'cause I got Saddam's gun.
Still, I'd rather have mounted his head."

Concerning George W. Bush after he'd made it clear that he didn't appreciate the lack of notice on a certain interview question:

"My biggest mistakes?" you ask. How
can I answer unprep'd? I'll allow
that historians will say
"Gosh! Why not this way?"
But I'd make all those same mistakes now.

Had your question been earlier declared
I might have seemed less thought-impaired.
When you probe my mistakes
my false confidence breaks
'cause I don't have my bullshit prepared.

Concerning chief weapons inspector David Kay's January 2004 report and the Bush/Blair information machine:

Evasions, euphemisms and elisions
lent support to destructive decisions.
It remains to be seen
if the boys will come clean
on their media-manipulative revisions.

Concerning a US State Representative, Derrick Shepherd, who got tired of catching glimpses of boxer shorts and G-strings over the low-slung belt lines of young adults:

"No G-strings!" saith Derrick the Bold.
"These pretty young things must be told
to be more discreet
when I'm out on the street
else my wife makes me wear a blindfold."

Concerning Richard B. Hoppe and his requests for Paul Nelson to provide support for his Intelligent Design claims about Ontogenetic Depth:

Paul Nelson's "depth" tales sounded tall.
Richard Hoppe thought, "it s past time to call
Nelson's ontogenetic-
clad apologetic."
Quoth Richard, "So where's the beef, Paul?"

I doubt that he'll find satisfaction,
nor even a lucid reaction.
Behind the smoke screen
there's an ID machine
building weapons of media distraction.

A meal of Intelligent Design
when served with the fruit of divine
is lacking in beef,
which supports my belief
that it's tripe marinating in whine.

Concerning Kevin Spacey and his "mugging":

An actor by trade, Kevin Spacey
was mugged in the park, prima facie.
But if truth be known
he was conned for his phone
and he'd altered his script to sound racy.

Concerning David and Victoria Beckham:

Victoria, a bright girl, I'm sure,
should've known there'd be fan-girls galore
tempting David to stray.
When he's got room to play
he'll always find chances to score.

Concerning Justin Timberlake's public revelation of Janet Jackson's breast and the prudish American over-reaction:

It left all the prudes in a titter
when Justin exposed Janet's glitter.
It's only a breast,
so why get so stressed?
Hell! We couldn't care if he bit 'er.

Concerning Scott Adams and his uncanny way of cutting to the bones of employee mismanagement:

Scott Adams shows his expertise
by portraying our lives with such ease;
for the bright engineer
knows mismanagement by fear
breeds the demotivation disease.

Concerning the creation of a fermionic condensate:

When Greiner, Regal & Jin
have a field the right strength they begin
to block the romance
of a bosonic dance
pairing fermions to integer spin.

Concerning Neil Gaiman:

An author of note and dark fiction,
who speaks with his fans and conviction,
keeps raising awareness,
his child, and unfairness
of comic book free speech restriction.

Concerning Dr. Seuss. I've used the common pronunciation of his name although I've since heard that his name should be pronounced to rhyme with "voice":

There once was a doctor called Seuss
Whose grip on reality was loose.
He saw giant cats
in oversized hats.
His books reeked of substance abuse.

Concerning Reviel Netz and his book attributing combinatorics to Archimedes based on the barest scraps of evidence:

An assistant professor historic
rediscovered works combinatoric.
He (despite the monks' cleaning)
gave the manuscript meaning
to further his fame meteoric.

Concerning an anecdote about Wolfgang Pauli having worked out how to purl:

Old Pauli was heard to opine,
after too many glasses of wine,
"Franciska, my dear,
at my knitting you sneer.
Am I casting my purls before swine?"

Except, of course, it turns out the anecdote was inaccurate. It was Paul Dirac who is reputed to have derived the topology of purl knitting after watching plain knitting.

I tangled my Wolfgang-Paulology
in my yarn based on knitting's mythology.
Now it seems apropos
to admit that I owe
both Wolfgang and Paul an apology.

Concerning Gerald L. Printz, the inventor of an eating utensil a with handle like a pair of chopsticks and a "food-engaging member" like a fork:

An idiot produced an invention
that showed up his short comprehension
of the way his new tool
made him look like a fool,
but it sated his patent pretention.