I posted the updated New Babysitter on PFFA last night. The metre is a bit slow. My iambic pentameter was chosen originally to contrast the 4 syllable kid-verses. Once I removed the contrasting voice, the pentameter sounds stilted.
The New Babysitter
Oh gawd, tonight's the night I sit that brat
at Thompsons' place, while they dine at the Ritz.
They parlez vous in high-brow tête-à-tête
while I face hell armed only with my wits.
Sue was their sitter but she couldn't cope
with hearing 'Timmy's such a fragile boy
who'd never misbehave.' She said 'you'll see
how Satan's spawn can humble and destroy.'
I'll dare this evening's horror 'cause I need
the cash so badly. I would totally freak
if I missed out on going to that gig.
The Nick Cave tickets go on sale next week.
'There's not a lot to babysitting, Kate.
Particularly once the children go to bed.
Just sit and watch TV or read a book
or take your homework, dear.' That's what mum said.
But what if something happens, something bad?
Like what if Tim goes ape-shit - A.D.D. -
or has a zipper accident that bleeds
and blames his future failures all on me?
Oh please! Let him be fed before they go
so I don't have to watch that little guts,
or risk some awful cock-up like poor Sue
who didn't know scorched almonds contained nuts.
'Come in! Come in! I'm so glad you could come
at such short notice,' Mrs. Thompson gushed.
'Here Tim, meet Kate. I'm sure you'll get on fine.
Excuse us, Kate dear, we're a trifle rushed.'
Hey Tim, I'm sure we'll be the best of friends.
I see your mum left us a meal to eat.
Hot chicken bites and sausages with sauce
will be delicious ('cept I don't eat meat).
I tell you what - let's make a little bet
'cause even though this meal looks mighty fine,
you win this dollar I've put by my plate
if you can eat both your share and all mine.
Amazing Tim! You won that bet with ease.
Now let's clear off these plates (before I gag).
It's not quite time for you to go to sleep
so wait a tick, let's see what's in my bag.
I'm sure your mum's stiletto heels were loose
before we started jumping on balloons.
Just hide them down the bottom of the pile
beside the ancient stack of dad's cartoons.
We've burst them all and now it's time to clear
away the bits so mum and dad won't see
the mess we made both dressed up in their clothes.
We'll keep that secret - just for you and me.
Now if you watch with me you must sit still
and not be scared. I know what vampires drink
but this one's good. You like him, Tim? Yeah, he's
my hero too (though not quite how you'd think).
It's quiet here. Tim's tucked in for the night.
The Thompson's fridge is full and their T1
connection is a bonus. I can chat
and brag that I get paid for having fun.
I'm working on this poem as part of a community project on EK. The writers in EK are to select a picture from the Atelier and write about it (after seeking the artist's permission). The artists in EK are to illustrate a work from the Library (after seeking permission). I have till the end of May to complete it. I guess I could take the advice posted on PFFA to trim it down a bit, but it will take a fair bit of work.