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A craft project has begun.

Explanations later

I love the people I work with. They're a bunch of geeks. A small example will serve to illustrate.

On one of our products there is a stepper motor. Stepper motors usually make cute little whirring noises as they operate. However, if a stepper motor is mechanically connected to a device that can resonate, it can create an irritating whine. The motor in question seemed to have been acoustically coupled in a way that would have made Antonio Stradivari proud (that is to say, proud that his violins sounded nothing like this motor).

There is a Christmas celebration organised for the software team on Monday morning. The new software manager will bring cakes for a feeding frenzy. No, there's nothing geeky about that. After cake, the product's overly vocal stepper motor will be put to intensely geeky use as a musical instrument (and I use the word musical very loosely) in a tune-playing competition. This will be a stepper motor eisteddfod that will make all other stepper motor eisteddfods sound like constipated bumble bees. I'm certain the sounds I hear on Monday are going haunt me for the rest of my life. This is the kind of musical experience you just can't buy in a geekless work environment.

(I wonder what tune I'll play.)

From the New York Times via Making Light:

Here, Virge reconstructs the discovery process (using the barest scraps of evidence):

[Reviel Netz examines the ancient and largely illegible text]
"Here is some sort of a block puzzle. Here we can just make out the word that translates to "multitude" and it seems to be used several times."
[A small but bright globe lights up in the historians head]
"This can have but one possible explanation. Archimedes must have discovered the mathematics of combinatorics. That must be what the rest of the lost manuscript is about. I shall tell the world in my new book."

Well call me a cynic and throw me to the inquisition. When you have only the tiniest scraps of text you have a lot of scope to create plausible explanations that fit. Netz, an Archimedes fan, would seem to have a lot of good reasons to promote his "ancients knew it all" discovery. I'll remain skeptical.

An assistant professor historic
rediscovered works combinatoric.
He (despite the monks' cleaning)
gave the manuscript meaning
to further his fame meteoric.

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:) I've been caricatured - by Socar: Portrayer of Pets, Teller of Tales, Spinner of Spoofs, Creator of Comics, Rattus Regius, Performer of Pharmaceutical Pop, Benefactor of Bums (okay, okay, enough of the gratuitous retaliatory caricature).

Warning: scary picture.

I don't know how far the ECHI (Extreme Christmas House Illumination) craze has spread, but if it keeps increasing at its current rate here in Melbourne we're going to have to build a few extra power stations. I passed one house last night that may just be visible from Mars.

It struck me that perhaps I should be setting up a street stall nearby to sell sunglasses to the crowd of sight-seeing retina-bangers. It's not unusual to leave a loud concert and find your eardrums have tried to curl up inside their fluffy security blankets. Similarly, I expect these ECHI-surfers get back in their cars with searing images of Santa flaring their optic nerves every time they blink.

The opportunity mentioned in the title is not to decorate your home more spectacularly than your neighbours. The opportunity is far more exciting. All you need is creativity, a couple of rolls of black gaffer tape and a preparedness to take some risks (oh - a lightweight ladder may help too). I call this art form EECHI (Enhancing Extreme Christmas House Illumination).

Step 1. Choose your canvas. Find a house that has a large area with reasonably close spaced lights.

Step 2. Envision an image or short message that will fit your canvas. If you're a beginner you may wish to re-use a standard message just for practice e.g. "Cower Mortals", "Santa's Spawn", or even "Happy Easter".

Step 3. In the early hours of the morning (when the decorative lights are switched off due to council regulations) stick a small piece of gaffer tape over each of the globes you wish to remain dark. "How silently, how silently the wondrous gift is given."

Step 4. Be present outside the house when they fire-up the lights on the following evening. Having a camera ready is a very good idea. (I'll be only too pleased to display photos of your EECHI artworks on my site.)

Title: "VirJournal"

Old Subtitle: "Virge's Journal"

This would have to rate as one of the most obvious and uninformative subtitles the web has ever seen. It is concise and accurate, but exudes dullness in soporific waves. It sets the equaliser for easy-listening. It back-pedals its profuse apology before it even treads on your toes.

It had to change.

Now I have a new subtitle. It harks back to words I wrote a few years ago about using words as my scalpel. It warns the casual browser that they may see some of the grey matter exposed and throbbing. It feels like a better match. Well, it does to me, anyway.

Arrr, oi managed two more fer the birthday greetin' afore oi sent it plummetin' through the ether.

'Appy Birthday, ye scurvy sea dog.
Shall we go fer a sail in the fog?
Just clam up yer mouth
as ye sail to the south
or ye'll turn all our fresh air to smog.
 
'Appy Birthday ol' Daniel me lad.
Oim glad ye've gone stark ravin' mad,
'cause if you'd been sane
with a rational brain
it'd make me black pirate 'eart sad.

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I decided I should write a little light verse for my young nephew's birthday tomorrow. He won't get his present until he comes to visit in a week or so. What do you think an 11 year old would enjoy? I'm hoping a pirate theme will amuse him.

'Appy Birthday ol' Daniel me nephew.
Oi hope all yer wishes may come true.
When ye come back to Oz
get a parrot because
Ye'll look daft if ye carry a cuckoo.

'Appy Birthday ol' man o' the seas.
When ye come 'ere ye'd best not bring fleas.
And don't let yer rat

I am Virge. Hear me draw.

Create your own Mr Picassohead.

Hoo am I?

I wouldn't normally post a "What are you?" result in my journal. A lot of live journallers post them regularly, but they really only serve to amuse, not inform. I've only posted this one because it seemed to do better than most on providing a description of me.

It would be fair to say the 9 question test is a bit of a cop-out. It delivers 3 animals for you to select from. So if you wanted a test to tell you exactly what you are, you're out of luck. Of the Gorilla, Penguin and Owl results it gave me, only the Owl suited. At least it gave a consistent description of my personality type.

So, it gave a good description, did it?

Erm, yeah.

And what did it suggest for a career?

I wish you hadn't asked that. Careers included: bank manager, judge, diplomat, head of state.

What famous people have the same animal?

This is where it gets worse: Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, and Oprah Winfrey!

Nooooooo! This can't be right! I went from that cool feeling of "here is a positively framed blurb of what I'm like" to the mortifying character assassination of "you ought to be a head of state".

I don't think I'll buy the book.