Limericks

I decided I should write a little light verse for my young nephew's birthday tomorrow. He won't get his present until he comes to visit in a week or so. What do you think an 11 year old would enjoy? I'm hoping a pirate theme will amuse him.

'Appy Birthday ol' Daniel me nephew.
Oi hope all yer wishes may come true.
When ye come back to Oz
get a parrot because
Ye'll look daft if ye carry a cuckoo.

'Appy Birthday ol' man o' the seas.
When ye come 'ere ye'd best not bring fleas.
And don't let yer rat
out from under yer hat
or they'll hang ye fer spreadin' disease.

When writin' these ditties for Daniel
me mind couldn't shake the word "spaniel".
Oi tried an' oi tried
till me brain was french-fried,
so this last line really doesn't quite rhyme or scan well.

Yeah, I know that last trick is old and well used, but I bet it's new for him. I think I'll try writing one or two more. (Hey, I enjoy piratey poems. Just let me go.)

Comments

I like these...they are great for a kid, and made even a soggy old hoser like me smile. I have a wee suggestion--the last line of the first one doesn't QUITE scan with "carry" in there--that word doesn't fit and messes up the rhythm. Maybe try this:

When ye come back to Oz
Get a parrot because
Ye'll look daft if ye've got a cuckoo.

Actually, on second thoughts, if I read it with the stress placed slightly differently, "carry" DOES work.

Ha.

I know what you mean, Rats. Having the last syllable of the 1st, 2nd and 5th lines fall on an unstressed beat seems a little less natural for a limerick. Removing one syllable from each (and allowing a little distortion of "nephew") yields:

'Appy Birthday ol' Dan me nephew.
Oi hope all yer wishes come true.
When ye come back to Oz
get a parrot because
Ye'll look daft if ye've got a cuckoo.

I think this revised version works better, however:
I'm afraid what's been said has been said.
I mailed before I went to bed.
My last minute rhyme
didn't leave me much time.
Maybe next time I'll start weeks ahead.
(Yeah, likely.)