It is well known that cats have nine lives. This was a special dispensation by the creator to compensate for inflicting them with an excess of curiosity. What is not well known is that some cats have more than nine lives.
Whenever there are exactly nine kittens in a litter, the ninth kitten is granted nine lots of nine lives. Even eighty one lives don't last very long, particularly when you have eight mischievous and competitive siblings. When a litter of nine is born under the ninth full moon in the year of the cat (based on the Egyptian calendar), the ninth kitten receives nine times nine sets of nine lives. Seven hundred and twenty nine lives would last about a thousand years if the lucky cat was as careless as your run-of-the-curtains house cat. However, after the first few hundred lives there is less and less to be curious about and a lives-expectancy of ten thousand years wouldn't be out of the question.
You are probably already dismissing the idea of long-life cats as a baseless fabrication. I know I would if it were not for the paw prints of evidence left on history's pages. I have been gradually uncovering the trail of a particular life-endowed feline who has been cheeky enough to mark out his territory in human literature. I refer of course to Dick Whittington's cat. The fame this cat brought to Richard Whittington (1350-1423) seems to be his signature scent. He had obviously lived long enough to develop a keen political sense and a good business head. I suspect the experience with Dick raised his profile a little higher than was healthy for a cat. He remained out of history's view for the next 150 years.
The assertion that Shakespeare could not have had time to write all the literature that is attributed to him remains valid. Some still hold that Bacon wrote some or all of the works under a William Shakespeare pseudonym, but since the alleged cryptographic evidence has been debunked the only support for the argument comes from similarities in background knowledge, vocabulary and style. A more plausible explanation is that our marvellous William was merely a scribe, desperately trying to keep pace with the dictation of his mouse-eating muse. In fact we even get some insight into the relationship at times when the cat was obviously tired and his scribe was too thick to distinguish dictation from affectionate small-talk. e.g.
To sleep, purrrchance to dream. Ay, there’s the rub
Yes, it is still speculation that this is the same cat that guided Dick Whittington to his considerable wealth and four times Mayorship of London, but the depth and quality of Shakespearean literature is hard to attribute to some ten year old moggy. Clearly, it was dictated by a cat with class.
It's difficult to follow a 400 year old trail with any certainty. It is only at the start of the 20th century that we find this cat's arrogance exceeding his caution. He had the audacity to insert autobiographical material in the poems he dictated to another scribe - Thomas Stearns Eliot. Here are excerpts from T. S. Eliot's "Old Deuteronomy":
Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time;
He's a Cat who has lived many lives in succession.
He was famous in proverb and famous in rhyme
A long while before Queen Victoria's accession.
Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives
And more - I am tempted to say, ninety-nine;
And then from "Gus: The Theatre Cat":
'I have played', so he says, 'every possible part,
And I used to know seventy speeches by heart.'
He makes some pretense to modesty when he describes himself as understudy:
In the Pantomime season I never fell flat
And I once understudied Dick Whittington's Cat.
But he gives the game away when he admits his ability to take on any Shakespearean role without rehearsal:
At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat,
When some actor suggested the need for a cat.
How this cat's influence remained undetected after the publication of "Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats" I'll never understand. I guess it's just that:
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,
There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare:
At whatever time the deed took place - MACAVITY WASN'T THERE!
Towards the end of the 20th century the freedom of flow of information led to a rise in the likelihood of detection of such an influential cat. In an age where just about anyone could access information about almost anything, this wiley old flea-bag adopted a new tactic. He took up with a Canadian comedy act called The Arrogant Worms. How better to disguise his influence than via the medium of satirical comedy? Even when the Worms produced a serious song about him, the results could only be seen as ridiculous humour.
I was excited when I heard this song because I knew I was hot on his trail. I managed to contact the Arrogant Worms' road manager to make enquiries. BigFat (as he called himself) told me about Trevor Strong's cat, Tommi. Tommi travelled with the band in the early 90's, attending every gig. It was obvious from the way he spoke that BigFat had no love of Tommi. He seemed very keen to tell me how Tommi had gone missing during an overseas concert tour in 1995 and how it was much easier on the road when he didn't have to empty a sand tray.
The trail is cold again, but I'll be keeping my eyes and ears open for this feline. I suspect he still has a lot of lives left.
