Love Limericks
Love Limericks of the Evil Overlord
My satellite laser invention
(so cool it defies comprehension)
carved the moon with your name
and it gave me no shame
'cause I did it to grab your attention.
Don't try to deny it, my dear--
you're drawn to my saturnine sneer.
Though you're brusque and remote
I can't help but note
that you tremble whenever I'm near.
It's important that you understand,
all men beside me will seem bland.
Those bohemian effete
boys can never compete
'gainst a man with the world in his hand.
My minions thought I was bizarre
after I'd gone a fraction too far
with my devastation
of a middle-east nation.
I should've just bought a big car.
There's no one can come before you
and nothing that I wouldn't do.
I'd raze the Greek Isles
for just one of your smiles
(and Malta and Sicily too).
The moments you gave me today
are pleasures I'd love to replay.
Your beauty divine,
so sweet and so mine,
I cannot allow to decay.
So call me a romantic crank
'cause the ethylene glycol you drank
was a toast to forever--
to pledge that I'll never
pull the plug on your cryogen-tank.
Pirate Love Limericks
I've seen storms that'd rip off yer clothes
and hell's fire in the eyes o' me foes.
But avast! I declare,
lass, yer makin' me stare
'cause I've ne'er seen sails like those.
Me beauty, I've been lost at sea
all me life 'til I laid eyes on thee.
Get some grog in ya, lass,
as yer givin' me sass;
Aye, then come dance a hornpipe wi' me.
The Practical Guy's Love Limericks
Listen now to my limerick of love,
with the moon as my witness above.
As a practical guy
I declare that I'll try
to be yours 'til you give me the shove.
You wanted a guy who's in touch
with emotions and feelings and such.
Let's sit down and share,
lay our deepest thoughts bare.
Is it all right if I don't say much?
Of course, babe, you know that I care.
I was paying attention, I swear.
Didn't I say before
how I really adore
that new thing you've done with your hair?
May 2004
