Praise the FSM
The Flying Spaghetti Monster is desirous of our worship and of our efforts to educate the uninformed. Yet how shall we, the faithful, unite our voices and our spirits without music and devotional lyrics to inspire our zeal? Here are two hymns that I dedicate to our Noodly Master.
All Things
(With apologies to Cecil F. Alexander)
All things bold and booty-full,
All pirates tanned and tall,
All things new and noodle-full,
Our Monster made them all.
One hook He gave us, sharpened;
One eye clad in a patch;
We heeded not His warning:
"Be careful when ye scratch!"
Repeat Chorus
The urge to seek adventure,
The tattered treasure chart,
The lure o' bounteous baubles
That pump a pirate's heart.
Repeat Chorus
The wide blue ocean freedom,
The tang of salty air,
The rum imbued with courage,
Spaghetti placed it there.
Repeat Chorus
Each saucy buxom maiden
Each winsome comely tart
And lust with which to woo 'em
His noodle doth impart.
Repeat Chorus
The slapping of the rigging,
The endless lonely sea,
That strapping young midshipman
When weeks from port we be.
Repeat Chorus
He gave us swaggering heroes
With rapier repartee,
And moody brooding shipping:
Spaghettiness adds squee!
Organ swells for final chorus:
All things bold and booty-full,
All pirates tanned and tall,
All things new and noodle-full,
Our Monster made them all.
Kansas
(With apologies to William Blake)
And did that meat in recent time
Make Kansas School Board members green?
And was the saucy source of all
Adjusting things we'd never seen?
And do our sub-atomic strings
Reveal the nature of design?
And was Spaghetti's flavorous feast
To show His Noodliness divine?
Bring me my bowl of pasta gold!
Bring me my meatballs of desire!
Bring me my sauce with herbs untold!
Bring me my bolognese of fire!
I will not cede my legal right,
Nor shall my fork sleep in my hand,
Till we have taught Spaghetti's Flight
In Kansans' backward schooling land.
[Edited to add an extra verse to All Things at the request of a fellow FSM worshipper.]
[Edited to add links to sheet music and midi files.]