Ratcidivism
"I have a friend who keeps a giant rat in her apartment." Doesn't that sound like a good opening line to feed your therapist? It's true. Believe me. Would I lie to you? You can read all about the fun of trying to keep up with an escaped giant rat.
if dere's a scritchin in yer kitchen
den yer rat-bitch needs a switchin
cuz da twitchin git's bin hitchin
up er manky lil paws
on der corners o yer drawers
wid er claws in all yer stores
if she gnaws der locks on doors
an explores dat ting wot snores
you gon find how she kin cause
irresistabubble itchin
from der bits left in yer stitchin
which evenchually gits into yer pores
Comments
You know, after reading your giant rat ditty for the first time on my journal, I had to wash my sheets three times on the hottest setting--I couldn't get the image of rat-dander-infected linens out of my mind. Unfortunately, I used so much detergent and fabric softener that my nose really DID get irritated, and I sneezed all night. I had to re-wash the sheets in plain water.
If I'd known my power of suggestion was so strong I'd have added a few extra lines to the end of the ditty. Something like:
To avoid dis bad itchin result
yer mus start up a virge-worship cult
You crafty wee sod! Very clever.