Pottery Fabrications

I listened to a different radio station on the way to work today - RRR. It seems one of the DJs sparked some controversy among the younger listeners by suggesting that Harry Potter never washes. When the Potter Pentateuch becomes enough of an infallible reference to allow widespread debate on Harry-hygiene, you know it has gone beyond a fad, beyond a cult - it has become a mainstream religion.
On the next national census when I come to the question of religion I won't be writing Jedi. I shall mark my religion as Potterstant... or should that be Harry Krishna, or perhaps Rowling Catholic? Holy Lily! How can we have a mainstream religion when we haven't even decided on a name for it? The unenlightened have been calling it Pottermania with obvious overtones of derision. Let them scoff. I'm just glad it's them and not me who will face the malice of Vold...oops-hush-my-mouth unprepared.

I must start work on my divine vision. It all became clear as I stared into my own swirling memories. I must create a monastic order dedicated to exegesis of the Rowling Writings. I must provide the world with booklets and tracts to support the faith (all at very reasonable prices). There are so many unanswered questions that need scholarly examination and contemplation e.g.

• Was Harry's persecution at the hands of the Dursleys a necessary part of his sanctification from a theodicean point of view?
  
• Is Harry's well-endowed bank account actually just a metaphor for the magical legacy left him by his parents?
  
• What will be the global financial impact when J.K.Rowling finally comes clean and admits that her books are not in fact works of fiction?