Limericks (not) for a mother's birthday

I wrote some birthday limericks last year--one that would suit a father, one that could easily be used for either a mother or a father, and one for a belated greeting. To this entry, a blog reader posted, "need a limerick for my mother on her birthday." Knowing nothing of the personal circumstances of the reader I threw together a couple of limericks.

For a true-blue Aussie mum:

May yer birthday be bonzer, ol' mum,
Fer today an' fer years yet t' come.
An' I'm reasonably sure
That you'll see plenty more
(Long as dad keeps on hidin' the rum).

For an all-American mom:

I sent you a birthday gift, mom,
But the US mail thought it a bomb.
Now I'm locked up for good;
It would help if you could
Contact get-me-a-lawyer dot com.

The humour of the next one is blacker.

The darker side:

One more nursing-home birthday, dear mother
When we doubted you'd live for another
(Since we sweetened the purse
Of the night-duty nurse
And left her instructions to smother).


The last one is the best, technically as well as in terms of amusement. Bonzer stuff, mate. (Ha, ha! Bonzer! I said "bonzer"!)