Limerick Dump

I've been writing limericks again. The weekend was spent coding up a limerick database for the OEDILF and transferring all the existing limericks. Here are my recent contributions:

"Making acid acetic dissociate
To its conjugate base, known as acetate,
Can be done with hydroxide,"
So the tutor-postdoc sighed
And yawned, "Pay attention. I'll demonstrate."

An aging and blind basset hound
Always barked as he bounded around.
He couldn't learn new tricks
But, using acoustics,
He echolocated by sound.

A shy, acrophobic canary
Made friends with the quail on the prairie.
When a finch in a tree
Propositioned him, he
Said "Your eerie, high aerie's too scary."

A height-fearing queen named Zenobia
Tried bungee for her acrophobia.
Odaenathus protested
and primly suggested,
"Tie your toga! The drop could disrobe ya!"

An act can be something you do,
A pretense or behaviour untrue,
Or a part of a play,
Opera, circus, ballet,
Or variety show or review.

An act is a formal decision
Made by a lawmaking division
Of government. Its reading
Is fruitful for pleading
Despite its pedantic precision.

An act of God's like an excuse
For disasters we deem too abstruse
To predict. But we're shy
To confront the Big Guy
'Cause we know He'll just blame it on Zeus.

Election time comes, and I flee.
Now tell me, sir, why should this be?
With counting by Diebold
No details can be told:
Abroad, I can vote absentee.

An ill wind will always betray
When Windy is walking our way.
We could perfume his jeans
When he's been eating beans
But it's best if we just stand abeigh.

If you want your shortcomings ignored
And your public approval restored:
If you smoke, don't inhale;
Keep your eyes off her tail;
And your finances all aboveboard.

You remember that pain in your head
After last night's consumption of red?
And you're still seeing double
But your brats are abubble
Squealing, "Come on, dad! Get out of bed!"

If you're lost and you need to retrace
all your steps you should do it with grace.
Don't stumble unknowing.
Please watch where you're going.
It's easy: you must about-face.

Vain artists assert that abstractions
Elicit emotive reactions.
Yet the man on the street,
Viewing art as concrete,
Will see randomness, noise and distractions.

In philosopher's parlance, abstraction
Extracts the idea from the action.
With eggheads I've seen
It also can mean
A mental state marked by inaction.

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