A few OEDILF limericks

Some limericks I've written recently for the OEDILF (Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form).


She gave alunite crystals to Joe,
Saying, "Under your arms they must go.
They're for spiritual healing."
(That's her way of dealing
With him and his potent BO.)


She said to him, "I shall love alway,"
In her neo-goth make me your thrall way.
He missed what she meant
And assumed her assent
To go wild in an any way at all way.


I lay my thick head down to sleep,
With a sniffle at each passing sheep.
It gets on my nerves
'Cause this allergy serves
To make my catarrh gently weep.

alligator snapper

The turtle, an alligator snapper,
All iced up with bling bling looked dapper.
In rhyme he would tell us
MC Macrochelys
Was a bad-ass mean freestylin' rapper.

Alligator snappers (Macrochelys temminckii) are found in southeastern United States. They can weigh up to 200lbs and have extremely powerful jaws.


I asked how she kept such control
Of her boyfriend's mind, body and soul.
"It's simple geometry.
I study allometry:
How a part grows compared with the whole."


My alogical world-view's a winner.
There's no logic to faze the beginner.
If I throw in enough
Vague untestable stuff
It'll eat your dull science for dinner.

altar call

"Do it now, ere that dark day arrives.
He is waiting to enter your lives.
If you'll give Him your all
At this last altar call
There's a free set of stainless steel knives."

alternative school

They attend an alternative school
Taking subjects most kids would call cool.
With no spelling, no grammar—
Just dark arts and glamour—
On desktops they carve, "Wizzards Rool."