Ernest Unsubtle

Meet Ernest Unsubtle. Ernest never could get the hang of that metaphor thing. He fixes lyrics so that they make more sense.

[house lights dim; spotlight on; curtain parts; Ernest Unsubtle bows]

A big hello to all you orthomyxoviridae out there! Have we got a clichéd show for you tonight!

[Ernest struts to the front of stage and signals the band with slow finger clicks]
[minor descending bassline riff starts; brush snare adds a lazy swing]

Never knew how much you need me
Never knew how much you cared
When you link your genes around mine
I get a feeling that's so hard to bear

You give me fever
When you fill me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever!
In the morning
Fever all through the night

Ev'rybody's got the fever
That is something you all know
Fever isn't such a new thing
Fever started long ago

Sinuses swell in the day time
Lungs swell up in the night
My eyes swell up when you drag me down
And I don't know how to treat you right

You give me fever
When you fill me
Fever when you hold me tight
Fever
In the morning
Fever all through the night

Romeo gave you to Juliet
Juliet--she felt the same
When he put his arms around her
She said "Not tonight, I feeleth lame
Thou art so hot when we kisseth
Pray do not mistake my moans
Fever! I'm afire
Aching to the core of my bones"

Now you've listened to my story
Here's the point that I have to make
You find ways to give me fever
With every damn transcription mistake

Fever ain't all that you give me
Nausea makes my stomach churn
But fever!
Makes me sizzle
What a hellish way to burn
What a hellish way to burn
What a hellish way to burn

(Apologies to John Davenport and Eddie Cooley)