Decapitation

I tried to decapitate myself today. It wasn't a suicide attempt. It was completely unrelated to my work or family situation. It was just one of those things, you know... holding a razor sharp blade; feeling it on my skin; head feeling a bit rough; SLASH - there we go - the back of my head feels wet; my fingers are red; looks like I'm leaking at a fair rate; hmmm, this could get messy; I wonder how to stop the flow...

Ok, it was a bit of a lame attempt at decapitation, but it was fairly dramatic as shaving cuts go. I had to walk around with a tissue stuck to the back of my head to stop the bleeding. Then, of course, once the bleeding has stopped, one simply can't just leave the tissue in place. Removal of the tissue is when it starts bleeding again. Fortunately WifeOfVirge managed to remove the make-shift bandage delicately enough to avoid a new deluge - just a few bulging beads that dried fairly quickly.

When I'd thought about it for a bit, I realised it would be quite irresponsible to cut off my head. I'm used to being bald but I'd probably look pretty silly without a head. What kind of message would it send to my imitative fans? How would they continue to look up to me if I was 20cm shorter? Would they see my unconventional action and mimic it without thought for the damage it would do to their body mass indices? Would it signal the start of a new mutilation fashion movement? Without clear answers to these questions it would be prudent for me to remain fully headed.

So here I sit, still in roughly the same shape I was yesterday - boring but functional.